Matthew's Gifts From Up Above
by Nancy Miller
There are so many things that have happened since my Matt's death.
It all began two weeks after Matthew died. There was a pool tournament/benefit in honor of Matt and his best friends wanted me to play in it. I was to use his pool cue. My ex and I had gone through his pool stick holder and there was nothing in the pockets when we brought them up from the basement. Then that day of the tournament, my boys (Matt's best friends) came over to get their sticks that they had left there. When I moved Matt's case, I heard something rattle. I looked at the boys and then proceeded to unzip the pocket. There were two quarters in there. I know my Matt put them there wanting me to keep his pool stick alive.
I buried my own pool stick with him. He used to use it all the time until one day, he broke it. I had always told him, "If you break it, you'll be dead" -- funny how things work. He had had an offer of $1,200 for it and turned it down -- he knew he had a treasure. Now it's buried treasure. And till this day, I keep his pool stick alive. I play pool with it almost every other week.
Then there's the video camera story. Deep breath here. One day my daughter and I went shopping. For some silly reason I bought a video camera. I had no idea why. I had just given my ex husband the one we had while we were married. I had no use for it. Anyway, the salesman gave me a deal I couldn't refuse. Extra warranty, super super low price, etc. Then he asked if I needed any film. I replied, "No, I've got two new packs at home". We stopped at the house (I wasn't living there anymore -- clothes and almost all of my belongings were still there) to run in and grab the two tapes. They were not there. I frantically ran downstairs to Matt's bedroom and grabbed 3 tapes, not knowing what was on them. I got home and popped one in the VCR and here was a video of my Matthew playing pool down in our basement. He had video-taped himself to see where he was making mistakes. Then to my surprise, on the video (crying ... sorry) I was going out that evening and yelled downstairs to him. Those three wonderful words came out of his mouth. "Love you mom"!!!!!! Those three words were so dear to me. I miss them so much along with his hugs. We always said that we loved each other. No matter if we were just leaving to go to the store. Now I have that special present from him and can hear those words over and over. I know that was a gift from him. If I had not bought a new video camera, I would have NEVER viewed those tapes. They would have still been in storage.
I ended up selling my home. I couldn't stay there since that is where Matt hung himself. But now, I will always have those three words to lift me -- "Love you mom". I love you too Matt.
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