One of Many Signs
by Jonna
The very last time my daughter Jeselyn had gone horseback riding was while she had been here visiting, a mere three weeks before her death. I had always regretted that I had not taken that last ride with her. So I planned to take a ride 'someday', to ride 'Midnite', the horse she last rode, and I was hoping to find 'comfort' from it. By seeing the things she had seen, and somehow feel her close to me.
Well, July 10th 2001, two years after her last ride I went to the stables with my friend Krista, and we took the long, anticipated ride. It was more than I had expected...
As we rode away from the stables and towards the river we were in a jungle of bamboo and trees hanging over our trail. We had a guide, a young man, who rode along with us. During the course of the ride I had related to him 'why' I was there that day, and all about Jeselyn, her last ride there on Midnite, and her death. We also spoke about 'signs' I have received from her since her death. And, the fact that I hoped he didn't think I had lost my mind by these things I had told him... He acted as though he did believe me and was in awe at the possibility of the dead being able to send signs to let us know that they were still with us. At some point I had mentioned our POS group and how we were all parents who had lost a child to suicide. I remember at one point in what seemed like endless wilderness, I yelled upwards to the sky, "I love you, Jeselyn, forever & always..." It had been an impulsive act on my part. But, I hoped she had heard me, nonetheless.
We rode on. Midnite and myself in the lead. We came to the river and where it was shallow we crossed over it to the other side. It was never any deeper than our stirrups, and once all three of us had crossed over, the story begins...
I was still in the lead on Midnite, my friend Krista on McCloud , and our guide on Blue. As we started into the overhang of trees and horse high brush I saw a Monarch butterfly gliding towards me. It was as if it was suspended, almost surreal, right at eye level. At the same time Krista saw it and says there's your butterfly Jonna, there's Jese... The butterfly flew straight towards me and then veered slightly to keep from running right into me. It turned around and then flew off ahead of the trail. I remember thinking well, where did it go... We rode around the bend in the trail and the Monarch was now accompanied by an all white butterfly staying close to its side. They seemed as if they were together flying close to each other side by side. And, so I said it seems like these two are our 'welcoming committee', that has joined us for the ride. Then the monarch and the white butterfly at its side flew right out in front as if they were indeed leading the way. On turning the next bend in the trail we saw hundreds of all white butterflies... oh my gosh, look at this there must be hundreds of these white butterflies, all white. They look like little tiny angels I said. And, we still have our 'welcoming committee' leading our way.
And they did. Disappearing for a moment to be found again around the next turn in the trail, where we came upon another large group of these all white butterflies. It was totally awesome. Krista says, "Well Jonna, Jeselyn brought all of her friends with her." Our guide said he had never seen so many butterflies out there before, and certainly not all white, nor in the masses that they were this day! I asked if they were believing this, and thought perhaps I was suffering from heat stroke, but, Krista reminded me if that were so then why could the two of them see them, too. And, the one Monarch and the larger white one flew alongside of, or, in front of me all the way to where we had to cross the river to go back to the other side.
As we crossed the river, we all turned to look and see if they were still following us, but, they had disappeared at the river's edge. The guide said, "man that was weird..." Krista said, "No it is not - not if you knew Jeselyn, it isn't weird at all. It was her mom's sign from her today. The one she was hoping for..." Now, at the other side from where we had come our horses decided to start to run. I was actually doing rather well with my horse racing on down this one-horse wide trail... for someone who is not a true horseman and had not rode for at least 20 plus years... I finally got Midnite to slow down, then to stop, because I realized McCloud and Blue were not behind us. McCloud had spooked for no apparent reason and reared to throw Krista from his back. Our guide had gotten off his horse to grab his bridle so as to calm him down. They caught up to me a bit later, and I didn't know Krista's horse McCloud had spooked, only that Midnite had decided to take off at a run -until after we were leaving the stables. On talking about how the Monarch and then the all white butterfly had guided our ride, and all those white - pure, white butterflies that must surely glow in the dark had gathered in groups of mass, and how they left us at the river's edge as we crossed over... then the strange behavior of the horses afterwards...without a doubt I believe that Jeselyn was there and shared this ride with me on that hot, July day... And, I believe that the masses of pure white angel like butterflies as well as the one Monarch with its companion white butterfly , were signs, from my daughter, and all the other friends she now has with her on the other side...friends she has met who are children of the other members of POS, children that are with her there... It was a truly awesome sign for me, and I know it was a sign for all of you as well. I only hope that you find as much comfort in this story as I found in living it... 
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